Got back from Santa Cruz in the afternoon, get back to this topic later on in the entry ok? I have not  updated for a long while but that does not mean it will not be updated, understand? First things first. Lots of not so good stuff have happened in the past 6 months. Could these things have been avoided, yes. But that does not mean it wouldn't have happened anyways. Things do happen for a reason, even if it was for a really stupid reason that doesn't make any sense, got myself lost in my words, sorry. If I remembered correctly from what someone wrote, yes bad things like to happen all at once, 100% agree! And the best part is, it get's worse! Actually, it will most likely get worse than that because we are in reality, which means things don't have to be logical at all. It is sometimes funny how things are given to us. When you thought you have already hit rock bottom, no! You have not, there is something worse than that, a lot worse. But truth is, we have to survive and overcome whatever is given to us, meaning the bad things. Just like you are playing chess, there are so many moves that you can make. We decide on what move to make. If you made the wrong move, there is no undo button unfortunately. Even if it does not mean you will ever win, you will have to play with your remaining pieces. You cannot forfeit, there is no such thing, that option is unavailable to you, forever, at least until you die? You can make any move you want, but you cannot control the other person's move, checkmate is a long way ahead, and most likely you will never get there, only certain people will. Ok I agree, bad analogy. Change topic, for the past 2+ years maybe I thought I have lost something, but actually, this something was never lost, I am certain now that something is pretty clear, no more confusion. But I assure that the previous sentence just got you completely lost? Another random thing to talk about. It's easier to talk to someone who you don't normally talk to and have no intention of wanting to talk to, random conversations are easy. But contrary, it's hard to talk to someone who you really wanted to talk to, why? Because you are afraid to make mistakes in your wording of things and those mistakes are the ones that keep you wondering. It's hard to focus so I will find something to complain about. Guess what? Jury duty for July awaits. When they say they pick people at random, don't trust them, obviously it's a lie. It's always the same people who gets summoned every year. If you don't agree, then obviously you're not one of those lucky ones, see the sarcasm? Actually, nothing much to complain about this issue, that is all. For the people who have graduated in 4 years getting a BS/BA, you have completed your task. And for those who is taking more than 4 years for a BS/BA, you are behind. But honestly, you are not! There is no such thing as equal footing, luck plays a major part in life. A high school graduate can become better well-off, financial-wise than a college graduate, although they seem to be behind you education-wise, but they have that thing called "luck." Things are given to certain people on a plate, everything is already set for you, this is reality. And for the ones without the luck that certain people get, you try your best and fail, this is also reality. Where you end up is sometimes determined by factors that you cannot control. My entries are becoming more confusing simply because of maybe 2 reasons. My life is not  interesting, yes true. Some things deserved to be kept a secret, at least for now, yes true. Another topic. Wonder why I never changed my background? Because if I changed it, it would not be original. And I especially hate backgrounds that totally block out the text. No, highlighting words is not fun, and no, copying and pasting text is not fun either, but making the layout look nice is what most people are concerned about. Actually, I don't really remember why I was here in the first place, must be related to a certain reason. When you think something has already changed, you will be shocked to find out that those things have not yet changed, it is there, was there, and will be there. It takes time to realize, but you will realize, in time. And about Santa Cruz, my comments, boardwalk, amusement parks does not amuse me sorry, not interesting. Beach, at least they have a beach, nothing special. And if there are more special features, I probably don't know about and have not seen, and probably won't feel interested in. Nothing really special, just another city in particular. Ready for some details? Got to Santa Cruz on Saturday at maybe around 12:45 pm. I know the time because I said I would be there at around 12:30 pm but obviously there is a thing in this world called "traffic." Went to friend's place and went to another friends' place, sit around and the 3 of us went to the beach to look at stuff. Are those things on the rocks called sea lions, the one you see at pier 39? Saw surfers jump off the cliff to surf obviously, it was windy, and it was definitely cold, yes. Walked  around, looked at Santa Cruz's infamous dirty water as someone suggested. When is sea water not dirty? Then went back to friends' place, sat around, then the 2 of us went back to previous friend's place to watch stuff, meaning movies. Then we went to play pool. The only reason we went to play pool is because the friend said to go play bowling and I said pool. Funny thing is, every time someone suggest that we go play bowling or something, I say let's go play pool, haha. It happens every single time, no matter who I was with, even back in Davis. So next time, don't suggest bowling ok? The secret here, I have not touched a bowling ball since high school or was it middle school? Obviously enough I sucked, I admit. Went to find parking, there was a meter with 1 hr 30 min left and we decided to add it up until 2 hrs although the meter ate one of my quarters. Actually, I think pool is more interesting, made some shots here and there but the result, 2-2, I started to suck and kept on missing after winning 1st game, but lost the next 2, and made a come back for last game. So let's go play pool next time? You will look more sophisticated than trying to roll a dumb ball into something half a block away, Then it was around dinner time, did not went with the group of "friends" that went to eat "ha." Don't really know why, just have a strong urge to not want to go eat this certain food, hard to explain. I know I told San San I would go eat dinner with you/them, but I guess it didn't happen because I didn't wanted to go. Next time, we will go eat something ok? So the result, friend and I went to go eat Indian because I suggested Korean or Indian but I was told there was no Korean food in Santa Cruz. Why Korean or Indian? No American because I never go out to eat American food, that is just fail to me. And out of the Asian group, no Viet, no Japanese. Thai? Probably not. So Korean or Indian was my suggestioon. We ended up going to Indian buffet (vegetable buffet) with chicken. Curry, curry, and other hot stuff, that was it. Then we walked around and went into clothes shop, I was walking around and not looking at clothes like usual, just waiting to leave. Then drove back to friend's place to sleep, too much walking in one day, using too much of right foot for hours is tiring obviously, especially in heavy traffic. Went back, watched another movie, it was midnight afterwards. Lied down at around 12 am and fell asleep at around 2 am maybe. Bad mistake, I was in jeans, should have brought pj's but sleeping on the floor is not too comfortable either. Woke up at around 6ish am thanks to the wonderful garbage truck/some kind of truck and just lied there and not being able to sleep. We left the place at around almost  8 am. I got spotted by friend's sister and I, the one who is not graduating went to sit with their family, people used yarn to reserve like half a row of seats, ok not half maybe a quarter? Wtf did you get yarn from? This is what I called: people putting their brains to some use. Not surprised really, I have seen people use pens, folders, and whatever you can think of to reserve seats, speechless. Graduation ceremony, how long were the people making speeches? An hour at least? They always have to make long speeches at grad ceremonies to make them seem like a sophisticated school? And to try to make you remember some of the things that had happened there for the past 4 years that you were there, flashbacks. After speeches and people walking and some moment later, random guy asked, "Is there a story behind the pots and pans?" Haha. I guess it is always the dumb things that people do that make it memorable? Can't blame anyone for creativity, can you? Ceremony ended, took pictures, then left. We went back to pick up my stuff. Then I went to other friend's place, sit there, then we left for lunch at Mountain View at some noodle place. Friend paid for me, I attempted to argue with him, but I gave up as soon as I started. We left the noodle place, then went home separately? Still have not slept yet from the 4- hours of sleep. And now I'm back home, it's Sunday and tomorrow will be Monday, I don't like weekdays. Reason? Don't ask. As of now, certain things need to be done. Although there are things that gets in the way, those that should be dealt with will have to be dealt with obviously. I like to say, there isn't such a thing in this world called "impossible." It's just you have not found the alternative way to do what needs to be done.

Time for another update. So has anyone figured out the trend in how often I update yet? Keep on guessing if you haven't. But then it's not a constant trend, hard to say. For some reason, I realize that more people are using Xanga lock? But I don't think there will ever be a need to lock my entries or maybe there is another purpose for using it in the first place? Well, I won't know since I never used it. As surprising as it seems, my Xanga looks exactly the same as it was when I created it about three years ago, but a lot can happen and has happened in three years. To be more accurate, a lot can happen in any one second, the world can change and just collapse within one second, you see my point? One thing I realized since I moved to this house, the birds chirp all day long! In the day and at night! So is it for mating purposes or what? It sounds like one of those sirens that goes off in the streets, the ones that keeps on changing sounds just so it would seem more obvious? Ok, shut up, nobody is trying to break into your car, and if somebody did do that, nobody will give a damn. Talking about cars, guess what? I'm going to take my car to the dealer in a few hours for reasons that I don't even want to talk about. Yup, you guessed right, something is wrong with it. Again!!! Well, this is kind of expected. Statistically speaking, everything breaks on me, it has been like this and will be like this. Is not that obvious enough? You see the point here is, I'm really bad with cars and almost everything else in general. And I don't even know how many times I have to complain to get things right, and the worse part is, it never becomes right! My theory is, keep on complaining. Even if complaining doesn't help, at least you are trying to do something instead of being taken advantage of right? For the past few years, I don't know how much my complaining skills has advanced. From not knowing how to complain into complaining about everything, this is a transition is it? Sorry for all those businesses out there whose main purpose is to make profit, which is not in my interest by any chance. I guess this is the real world, companies are always trying to cheat you in their best interest. And to counter that, you have to know how to play this game. If the system is trying to cheat you, you have to do better and try to outcheat this already so messed up system, which includes breaking the law if necessary. Because as you may know, the law is filled with flaws and for those who always think the law will take care of everything. Just wake up ok? Maybe you have not seen enough to see the imperfections. One thing I hate about Davis, it's a really bad atmposphere, especially for your car. The thing is, have you not realized that your car gets extremely dirty as compared to SF. I really need to give my car a car wash and the best time to wash your car is? Of course early in the morning or late at night, in the shades, basically anytime when the sun is out. I just fill sorry for those people who hand wash their car in the afternoon when it's like 90+ degrees. You must enjoy working hard in the heat, haha. And of course I always handwash my car. Because those machines are unreliable and will scratch your car. If if it did break something like your side mirrors or something, good luck in being angry and not having the problem resolved. Over the past week, I think gas prices are leveling/dropping. Let's see how low it can/will drop ok? Recently, I see a lot of new cars everywhere. Is it because it's summer time? But the thing is, summer is when new cars cost the most if you still haven't noticed. So if you want to get the lowest price, always buy at the end of the year. Does that not seem obvious? Anyways I'm still on my second tank of gas, and it's been over a month already. To give you some quick facts. The average annual mileage is about 12k miles. So that means an average person drives about 1,000 miles a month and I've only made it to 300 miles so far, haha. Reminder to self, remember to wash my car this weekend, and forget to feed to cats. Today, Dog was in my room and my door was closed because I was trying to sleep, after all it was 90+ degrees. And then she starts to make some funny noises. At first I thought I was hearing things and then she made that noise again. So I jumped out of my bed right away, I literally bounced off of my bed, opened the door, and made her get out of the room, haha. Because the last time she made that noise, she threw up in my room and all over the house. The good thing is that she didn't throw up today. Maybe someone should really discipline the cats. Because Dog always go into the bathroom, which means the bathroom become filled with cat hair everywhere, which is obviously not good. And Stripes should stop lying down on the stairs. I always wondered, what will happen if someone actually stepped on her, haha. So far I haven't beaten my own record of writing 6,000 words in one entry yet, which is sad. Yes, I did manage to write 6,000 something words in one of my older entries. Hopefully I will beat my own record someday, when there is more to write. Over the past week, I've been watching a lot of movies of Joey Wong. And if you don't know who she is, find out and then come back here ok? If you don't know who that is, that means you haven't watched enough good movies yet, which means that you have missed out on some of the better movies out there as compared to today's trashy movies which I have given up on. From my 15+ years of watching movies, I will conclude that most of the better movies are made in the 90's unfortunately. Because that is the time period that we grew up and have gotten used to. Even as we grow up, there are always certain things that are worth remembering. We might meet new people or see new things, there is no such thing as a replacement. I always wonder what is wrong with current story writers. Someone should really tell them to stopping writing comedies that are not funny and romance that are not romantic. The plot sucks, the actor sucks, the graphic sucks. I'm pretty sure that I will be able to write better scripts, haha. At least my plots will not suck, that is for sure. One interesting trend that I have noticed. Have you noticed that most of the actresses on tv are some kind of miss hong kong at some point in time? I was quite surprised. And the worse part is, most of the miss hong kongs are very typical looking, as in not pretty? What has this industry gone into? Going downhill all the way obviously. And for those who disagree with me? Just go away because we speak a different language, haha. And as you already know, there is nothing better for me to do than to complain. Because if you don't complain, it means that you are accepting things the way it is. And as you can see, I will never surrender. Over the past few months, I've been in the library more than ever in my life which should be a good thing considering the fact that I am using the AC and resources that I have already paid for, with tuition of course. Well the AC is not free, since it comes out of your tuition as you might not have noticed. And the resources that I am talking about are, books of course. I haven't bought any books for the past quarter or so, which means I save money and I don't have to end up selling the books later on. To be honest, you don't need the books for the majority of the classes in Davis. See this is one of the ways that the industry works. They mark up the prices on books so you will end up getting ripped off for somethings that you don't really need. I still want to get out of Davis asap. There are two more weeks left of summer school. And after that? Six more weeks of summer school. It just doesn't end, does it. Sometimes I think, that a lot of things that you "learn" in class are pretty useless in real life. But then, having more knowledge is always better than having less knowledge, right? Because through knowledge, you will learn to be smarter. That means, being able to outcheat this stupid system that we currently have, haha. I think I need to improve on my Chinese still further. Sometimes it's funny when I see ABCs and they can't speak Chinese. Compared to them, I feel like I know everything and they know nothing. This is what I call true tragedy. Not being able to be fluent in your own language, at least being able to speak it fluently is pretty critical I think. Oh yeah, there is one thing I haven't mentioned yet. I need a GPS! If you can count the number of times I get lost/take the wrong exit, you cannot help but laugh at me. I remember that time I was at Sac trying to deal with my stupid insurance, it was just tragedy. Let's not talk about such another uninteresting topic agree? Ok let's move on to another topic. Let's talk about that Integra that's on the bottom of the page. To be honest I don't like cars with two doors. It's so annoying trying to get out of the car. And should I change the background? I should but I won't, haha. And especially for some of those two door convertibles, oh man another tragedy. Because they look so terrible. How can people drive/buy such a piece of crap? Must be some blind people. Ok I know you are trying to stand out because you don't get any attention, tragedy isn't it. I know you are trying to look good but just end up looking retarded, is that not tragedy? Some people should just stop being stupid, but then I can't blame them in the first place, because if they did know they are being stupid they won't be acting stupid would they? So I can't blame someone for being stupid because they are not smart enough to realize that they are being and acting stupid. This world would surely be a better place without stupid people would it? But then if they are eliminated, there would not be anyone for the more intelligent people to compare themselves to. So this theory doesn't work. But the point is, that I didn't set the background for this page you see. Someone who is not me of course. I hate this summer because all I can say I did is that I went to summer school, very interesting isn't it? But then this is the last summer at Davis. Like I always insist, everything comes to an end. Sometimes I wonder, how many of my audience still remains over the years, if any, of course. But then is it necessary for me to realize who my audiences are? And even if you are an audience, will you be the one who will matter? But then even if you do matter, there is no use if it doesn't work the other way around. Do I make sense? Of course I make perfect sense. Damn, it's getting kind of cold and I'm getting kind of tired. Well, time to sleep. Night.

July 4th is already over, another day has gone by. To be honest, I have spent July 4th the same way I did for the past 15+ years, shocked? Of course you are not. I don't remember anything special happening on this supposingly holiday for as long as my memory holds. To me July 4th is not a holiday, and had never been a Holiday. Worse of all this year, July 4th is on a Friday when I don't have classes, so this makes it even worse. Ok let's not talk about a supposingly holiday to many, but denied by me, and that makes all the difference, does it? I know for sure there are more important days, and I mean a lot more important days in July and one of those important days are? Let's just keep it a secret ok at this point. Let's get back to my new car. Currently, it has a little over 200 miles and it has already been a little over two weeks. To be honest, I will attempt to keep this car as low mileage as possible, that means avoid driving when possible, haha. At this rate I wonder how long it would take for the car to have like 100k on it? Many many years from today, that is all I can be certain of. Gas prices have stayed pretty constant for the past few weeks, at least not going up like crazy like before, although I would be one of the least affected people. So the government did something to stop the prices from going up? As you probably know, I never keep up with the news, never did and probably never will. That explains why my knowledge is pretty limited. So right now, my car is just sitting there losing value, depreciation if you know what I'm talking about, very interesting? Of course not. I always wondered, how long does it take for an engine to die, before it becomes junk. 200K+? One thing for sure, my car will never get there, not for at least another 20+ years, if I still have my car by then. A good reason for me not to drive besides keeping it low mileage, so people won't crash into my car? Haha, that does sound silly does it? Because you know you have to agree with me on this, people CAN'T drive. The thing when you get a new car is, you're never worry about yourself crashing into other people but you're more concerned about people crashing into your car. Think about it this way, what do the other person have to lose if they crash into you, unless they are driving something like a Ferrari or something? Insurance money will go up, car value goes down, it won't really matter much if the other person is driving an old car, especially it is close to the value of scrap metal. So the moral of all this bs, well of course everything I say here can be considered as bs, the moral is to avoid driving to places where people can't drive, which is everywhere, so no moral for you, happy? Ok just don't drive to Chinatown and downtown, that will decrease the probability of getting your car scratched/damaged by like how many percent? Haha, I have to talk like a stats minor, didn't I? And talking about stats minor, it makes me think of this person. I really wonder where this person is right now. That is all I will say for now to make things not so obvious. After this car buying experience, I really did learned something. From now on, I can finally say that I have sold a car by myself, and I have bought a car by myself, haha. In life, there is always much for us to learn, much for us to see. Because we have only lived so long, done so much, seen so much. Let's talk about Dog. She still sleeps for most of the day, especially since it's getting hotter, silly Dog. It doesn't seem like she will be losing any weight soon or ever, to be honest. I really can't explain how funny she looks sometimes, I guess you really have to see for yourself, if you ever have the chance. And she makes funny noises sometimes, if you know what you're doing, if you know what I mean? The reason I'm here right now? To avoid doing homework of course. It's already July so I still have a little less than half a year in Davis. I'm really sick of Davis. I should really change my layout, maybe get rid of that Integra in the lower corner, haha, it has been there for quite a while now. But the thing is, if I changed it, some things will also change, not that some other things hasn't already changed. Even though there are some things that we really want to keep unchanged, we can only do so by keeping certain pieces of memories deep inside our heart, because that is a safe place to keep things. When we die, these memories will still remain in a part of us, somwhere? Because who really knows what will happen when we die. There is a saying "treasure what is in front of your eyes." I know, I'm really bad with quotes, I have to admit. I also have to admit, that my thoughts are pretty random and scattered. I think this quote is meaningful, of course. Because what is in front of us is what might seem closest to us and what we can take a hand out and try to hold on to. Although I have to admit, there are certain things that we can't hold on to. If it was meant to be held on to, you would have held on to it, don't you agree? If it was never meant to be held on to, there is no need to hold on to something that does not belong to you. Like I always say in my entries, you really have to know your place in life. You have to know where you stand, only then will you know what to do next, only then will you know what you really want. So what do I want? Of course I won't tell you. Not because I don't want to tell you, but because I have lost the answer to this question. And the reason I lost this answer, probably because this answer had never been the correct answer. Silly people making silly mistakes. I can say, that when we face certain things, we are always silly because we never had full control over certain things. And if we did, it really won't have seemed to be so important to us, don't you agree? Let's refer to an example, my car. When I didn't have a car, I really wanted a car. But now since I have a car, it doesn't seem as important as before. The moral is, what we don't have we always wish for, and what we have we never really seem to treasure. Ok ok, so I will treat my car really nice, give my car its monthly car wash, keep this baby in showroom condition for the many years to come, although I think I will not be too quite successful at. To be honest, I think my car gets really dirty when it's in Davis, is it because of the heat? The thing is, I don't think I will ever have my own garage, not for another who knows how many years, if you know what I mean? Omg, there is only four more weeks of summer session 1. Summer school is just terrible because classes are all moving so fast, especially when you have like one of the worse combos of professors you can possibly get during a summer session. Homework due every week and midterms like every other week, even though there are only 6 weeks in summer session 1. From the so many years of doing homework, I don't think homework is a very efficient way in the learning process and the bad thing is that I am taking econ classes right now. And they are trying to teach me efficiency through inefficiency. Hey, I don't really have to choice, I would rather get these classes out of the way right now than to suffer these classes during my last quarter at Davis. Like I said before, I'm really not looking forward to the remaining time left at Davis. For the past twenty years, I've been used to being pessimistic because I know how reality is. When you have your hopes too high, you become extremely disappointed when certain results don't turn out the way you want it to be. So when you are pessimistic, this serves as a bottom ground. I guess this is how I learned to protect myself from experience. Because when you are at the bottom, there is nothing that can seem worse than what it already seems to be, get it? So when things turn uphill, you will be happy. And when everything just crash right in front of your face, there is nothing to lose since everything has already been expected, you've already set a bottom ground between yourself and the best outcome. That way, you will feel that you are working your way up. If you fall, you will get up and try again. But if you look at things from the bright side and everything just crumble, it seems there is just too much that you have lost and you will be crumbled as well. However, it is hard trying to be strong, and if you disagree with me in any sense, just go your way. Because everything is always in your own hands, although this is a lie of course. The truth is, everything is NOT in your own hands. Because there is only so much you can do. Our power is really limited. Because we don't have control over what people think and do. Although we can try to give influence, results might not always be optimal, damn stupid econ classes haha. We are always trying to make simple things more complicated. If you can really live a simple life, you will be easily satisfied but not everyone can accept and understand this or even agree with it. I know this might seem easily said than done but I'm sure this can be done, at least by me. Sometimes it feels like as if everything that is happening around me is just a movie. Just pictures, words, and stupidity. The things that people think, the things that people do. I'm so sick of it. But the only way to become smarter is through mistakes. Through mistakes we can correct ourselves, we can correct our mistakes, but not always, hard to say. I'm tired of the things that are happening around me, many of them being really pointless. I really need to find a place to slow down. But too bad I am feeling too old. There is still a long path ahead that I still need to walk. But it is hard to say where this path will end up and when will it end. Let's go back to talking about graduating. Although I am going to be graduating earlier than other people my year, I think I would have done better. I could have made it in 3 years, if I went to all the summer sessions. One thing that really annoys me is when people accelerate really fast, because the car gets really loud and it's bad for the engine, although these kind of people are not intelligent enough to care. Ok, there is no need to show off your not knowing how to drive skills, little kids nowadays, haha. Just shut up and stop disturbing the peace and nobody will hate you for your stupidity. I know you need everyone's attention, so pitiful? Don't I sound old already? Of course, I am old. After all, I have already seen too much, yet there is so much more left to be seen. I use to wonder if coming to Davis was a mistake. But this thought changed after I have met who I have met. There is a good reason for me to have been in Davis after all, don't you agree. So these past three years in Davis, it has not been a waste of time after all. Like I said over and over again. There are reasons for certain things to happen. Ok I think I should really go to sleep right now, look at the time and tell me if it's still considered early for you? I don't want to wake up at like 1 or 2 and feel as if half of the day is gone already, a really unproductive feeling. Good night.

This is the last week before finals, sigh. But everything eventually comes to an end, don't you agree? School, life, relationships (unless you are capable of keeping it, then I envy you because I am so jealous, not.) Anyways, like I always imply, time is constantly moving, at times when you don't realize. Yesterday was someone's birthday, nope not anymore, the time has passed. Want to know a secret, actually not really a secret, just additional knowledge? I have not had a birthday cake for my birthday for at least the past 3-4 years, shocking? I still cannot figure out why do people like to have birthday cakes for their birthday. This is how I think of it, birthday cake = fat = sugar. Yet another simple equation that is not yet so simple. So how do I celebrate? You will know when you deserve to know, haha. I hate following traditions, don't do something because somebody is doing it but because you think it is worth doing, period. Because as you might have known, traditions are created by people like you and me, and the thing is that we are living in another time, and what tomorrow will turn out to be, nobody really knows. Like I always say, tomorrow is the end of the world, well it could be. There is really no point in being optimistic when in reality everything is not. This is what happens when I don't have homework to do, time wasted doing nothing productive, being here of course, or maybe I am being productive after all. If in the end I turn my entries into a book like someone said they would do but probably forgotten. The thing is, some things are not to be taken too seriously. Because when you do take certain things seriously, and it turns out to be a joke, haha. How are my grades so far? Not so good, meaning that I have not put myself to full capacity because of certain issues that has been dragging on for a while but has not been resolved. I guess that is what we do when me make mistakes, we tend to find a reason to blame it on so we will end up feeling better. ARE classes are getting very annoying, because I am not acing them of course, maybe because I am taking harder classes than before? Could be, or maybe just because I have not encountered any opponents worth encountering until now. Or my final reason, because I have not been motivated. That source of motivation has been lost. Because when one is motivated, there will be superior results, results that are higher than your normal capability. But motivation can often be difficult to find, especially after you have lost it. But after all, grades are not that important. Because in the long run (which we should be looking at),  grades are really nothing. It does not really represent what we are really worth because there is always the randomization part attached to it. And often, some of us are never lucky enough to outperform that randomization part. Well, many things are random. Like playing in the casino, which somebody was doing yesterday. Anyways, sometimes the odds are always against us. In life, nothing is really easy, true? Because you have to put the effort in doing certain things but the result might not be what you have expected, and why? Because of randomization that you were not able to control throughout the process. So how do we face a world where we have little, if any, control over the results? There is never an easy out. Because we always have to take it the hard way, that's how it gets into us, get it, guess not? But only through challenge do we find that certain goal (someone to be more precise) to be more valuable to us, it seems. But some things are really hard to say. Because from a distance, we are blinded, we cannot see clearly. It's not a story that we can write the ending to, how many times have I implied this? But what happens when we try to take a step closer to that somebody (a very old topic I know, very repetitive I know)? But don't you anticipate the ending, although it's really out of your control, well it's somewhat inside your control but not really. Perhaps you have totally confused yourself unintentionally but what is really intentional? Is it intentional that you get to know a certain someone or is it just by chance? At times, we are possibly thinking about what would be the best things to do given what has already happened and what has already been in place. But sometimes we feel so weak, as if we cannot do anything. But in the end, there really is no such things as impossible (at least under my philosophy for instance)? It's possible if you made an attempt, although unsucessful, although the probability of certain outcomes are so unlikely as to being almost zero. Sorry, it is really hard to not talk like a Stats minor. As of currently, I am still waiting for certain things to happen, if you were attentive enough to my entries, you would have known what I was talking about. But then time is moving too slow. As of currently, I am not looking forward to next quarter, well actually I am but for the wrong reasons. ARE 118 will be very exciting, an estimated 20 hours of trying to do one homework, how interesting is it? Well that is what he said in the email, oh wells. Very high opportunity cost of doing homework, but what else would I be rather doing? That is actually not the real reason that I am anticipating next quarter, you will know, after you have become smarter, haha. It seems I am getting closer to graduation, well there is only like 9 more months left, not that close actually, but then my mind is already there, waiting at the finish line, as if it was a race, but I am racing against time and myself. But time was not on my side, at least I don't think it was, so how will I get to the finish line, interesting. Actually after college, life might seem to be less enjoyable, if any at all. Because what is there to do other than to work and doing whatver you are doing, seems very uninteresting and boring. Well I will definitely want to see where you are in 20 years, come back to me by then ok? Let's see what you have done and accomplished. Life is short, and many things are moving too quick, if you know what I mean. And once that something is flying by, it is an opportunity. There are many opportunites but to take the right opportunities at the right time is quite difficult. Thus, timing is very important, agree? If you are only a second late, then it's a completely new ending. Ok, I just lost myself. What was I talking about? Ok, let's talk about some series. Watched up to episode 13 of They Kiss Again, falling asleep as I was watching it because it got so boring, and don't disagree with me on that. Because if you do, you have not watched anything, haha. That means you have to stay away from me, so you won't make me dumber. Maybe coming to Davis was a terrible decision after all. Well I did reject Berkeley, only because I rejected them before they had the chance to reject me, get it? Anyways, I have made many bad decisions in the past 20 years, so have you? But we won't actually know what will be a bad decision until we see the outcome? Because sometimes you think it's a good decision but then it turn out to be a bad decision, because we are not that all knowledgeable. Actually sometimes I get sick of going to class, like everyone else, going to class to go to class and nothing more. Well, tuition is already a sunk cost as of now, so I will only be at an disadvantage if I don't go to class, think of it like that. But then the more I go, the less motivated I feel, I wonder why. Well actually (using this word too many times), I am not completely dismotivated and the reason is because, nope you don't get to know, haha. Spring break is coming, yaye, actually no, because of certain reasons that I, again, will not tell you, because you are not important enough, is that not obvious? Maybe I should change my layout and get rid of that Integra all the way down at the corner of the page. After all my layout has become unchanged for how many years? Wow. But if I changed it, it would be different. Just like if we changed a part of ourselves, we will be a completely different person, maybe not completely different but still very different. Because there are actually things that we want to keep in our memories, certain images, of certain individuals, that is or was important once upon a time. But how much of those images would we be able to retain many years from now. And yes, I love talking about the future, because there are infinite possibilities, simply because certain things have not happened yet, giving the probability of you making something unlikely to happen actually happen. Isn't that nice? Actually, I am getting sick of my writing, don't know what I am writing (typing to be more correct). But then you still have to suffer because you are still here. But then you are here because you have nothing else better to do, sigh. Ok you get to read a shorter entry today, don't you feel lucky for a second?